You've Been Hiding the Wrong Thing

Read on my website​

There was an 89-year-old woman who sat down at a dinner table surrounded by women she had never met before. And for the first time in her entire life, she said out loud the thing she had been carrying in silence for decades. One moment. One conversation. Eighty-nine years of weight, finally laid down.

I heard that story this week, and I haven't been able to stop thinking about it. Because I know that woman. Not personally, but I know her. I've been her. And if I'm being honest, I think you have too.

We show up. We perform. We present the version of ourselves that feels safe enough to share, and we tuck everything else away where no one can see it, because somewhere along the way, we made a subconscious decision that the real, unedited, whole version of us would cost us something. Our credibility. Our seat at the table. Our right to be here at all. And we do it so well, for so long, that eventually we forget there was ever another version at all.

But here's what I know to be true after seven years of podcasting, hosting conversations with women of all walks, from all around the world, and a lifetime of my own becoming: the hiding doesn't protect you. It just keeps you stuck, playing small. It keeps you performing instead of living.

The Woman You've Been Keeping Hidden

I want to ask you something, and I need you to really sit with it before you answer.

Who are you?

Not what you do, not what you've built, not your titles or your roles or the things you've survived. Just you. The real, unfiltered, still-in-process version of you.

The first time someone asked me that question, I fumbled. I gave them a list — mostly of non-identifying things… I’m a sister, daughter, wife, I take care of this, I've done that, I’m not… and when I ran out of things to say, I realized I hadn't answered the question at all. Every single answer pointed to something outside of me. Something I'd produced or performed or held together or became because of or for someone else. And the truth I wasn't ready to look at was this: I had spent so long editing myself for everyone else that I had slowly, quietly lost track of who I actually was underneath all of it.

The messy parts stayed hidden. The complicated parts got edited out. The things I was most ashamed of got buried because I had decided they made me too much, too broken, too disqualified for the thing God was calling me to. So I showed up polished, and I performed confidently, and I carried things in silence that were slowly dimming the very light I was trying to shine for others.

Maybe you know exactly what I'm talking about.

Here's what I've learned — the hard way, through years of identity work, faith, and the kind of honest conversations that happen when women finally feel safe enough to be real: the version of you that you've been most afraid to show is not your liability. She's your calling. She's the part of your story that gives you access to hearts and rooms that a polished, curated version of you never could. And every day you keep her hidden is a day someone else stays stuck because they haven't seen that it's possible to come through the thing they're in the middle of.

Your story — all of it — is not something to manage, be embarrassed or ashamed about. It's something to steward.

3 Actions to Break Free

1. Name the thing you've been carrying. You can't heal what you won't acknowledge. You don't have to share it publicly, but say it out loud to yourself, to God, to someone safe. The moment you name it, you take away its power to operate in the dark. Identity work begins with honesty, and honesty begins with you.

2. Stop performing confidence and start walking in it. Performing looks like showing up as the version of yourself you think people need to see. Walking in confidence looks like showing up as the woman God already says you are — including the parts that are still in process, still healing, still becoming. You were not created to be a highlight reel. You were created to be a witness.

3. Ask yourself who needs your whole story — not the edited version. Someone is sitting in the middle of the exact thing you've already walked through. Your silence isn't protecting you. It's keeping her stuck. When you step forward fully, you give someone else permission to do the same. That's not oversharing. That's purpose.

Scripture for the Soul

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." — Romans 8:28

Not some things. Not the clean things. ALL things — the things that happened to you, the things you chose, the things you still can't explain. All of it, working together, in his hands, for your good.

Points to Ponder

1. Where in your life are you showing up as a curated version of yourself instead of the real one — and what is that costing you?
2. What part of your story have you decided disqualifies you that God might actually be asking you to steward?
3. If the woman you've been keeping hidden stepped fully forward today — what would she do first?

This Week on The Confident Woman Podcast

Episode 362: The Table of Life: Nourishing the Soul with Food, Love, and Faith with Tommi Vincent.

In this episode of The Confident Woman Podcast, host Rachel Brooks is joined by Tommi Vincent, author of The Table of Life: Nourishing the Soul with Food, Love, and Faith. Part memoir, part cookbook, entirely soul-stirring. Tommi is a classically trained chef, a domestic violence survivor, and a sought-after speaker who has stood on stages for the NFL, JP Morgan Chase, and TED Sports. Her work has been featured in the New York Times and Savoy Magazine. But what makes this conversation powerful is not her resume. It is what she has had to confront privately to get there, and what she has built on the other side of it.

This episode is for the woman who has been showing up as a curated version of herself so no one sees what is really going on inside. The woman who has been carrying something she has never said out loud. The woman who is tired of performing and ready to find out what God can actually do with her whole, unfiltered story.

This is one of those conversations that meets you wherever you are and invites you forward. Listen here​

Is your business keeping you hidden too?

If the woman you've been reading about in this edition sounds a lot like the woman running your business — performing, overcomplicating, and waiting until she feels ready enough to fully show up, I want you to know that clarity is closer than you think, and it doesn't require another course, another rebrand, or another six months of spinning.

I work with faith-driven founders and entrepreneurs in 90-minute Strategic Clarity Sessions. You bring me your mess — the scattered pieces, the offer stack, the unclear positioning, the business that's supposed to create freedom but feels like a second job, and I'll give you the blueprint to fix it. No nonsense. No ongoing commitment. Just one hyper-focused session and a clear plan you can begin to execute, starting the same day.

This is the work I was built for, and it's the fastest way to help you get unstuck and move forward with clarity and confidence. Book your session​

Not ready for the session yet? If you're earlier in the process and need the foundational framework first, start here: The Freedom Framework is your first step

What part of your story have you been most afraid to bring forward? Hit reply and tell me. I read every single one.

XO,

P.S. If this one landed for you, forward it to a woman you know who's been dimming herself down. She needs to hear it, and you might be exactly the person she needs to hear it from.

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